reflections

Although often frustrating, power outages can also be a good thing. Hence I am writing this post and not continuing to play online. At least the power outages have only lasted an hour at a time today. The problem when they happen at night is the decision to stay awake with candle light, or just go to sleep early. As it is only 9pm right now and the power should come back in an hour, I figure its best to get some things done, in the peace and quiet of the darkness, and go to sleep a bit later. Tomorrow is Friday, and that means I can sleep later than normal. Yea!

On a positive note, I think I am finally adjusted back to this time zone. A week ago I returned to my life here, but I think the last week I lost to jet-lag. The days just blurred together and I am not really sure what happened. Today was the first day I woke up refreshed and had enough energy to go out and visit my schools. With that said, I did come home today and take a nap. But alas the power was off, so what to do? Oh no, I think my memory is failing me (which is no surprise to many who know me. J) I took a nap today? I totally forgot, than of course I can not sleep now. That also reminds me that this afternoon the power was off for two hours. Well, I will see how long I last in the dark.

As an update, I had a wonderful time in the states visiting my new nephew (and some others who are of course less important now that there is a baby!) I turned in my application for grad school and met with the director of the program. Although I am not really looking forward to being a student again, I am excited to be learning again.

I was also able to make a quick trip down to Nashville. I thoroughly enjoyed the encouragement of spending time with a great friend. I was also able to visit my church and briefly meet up with many people I knew while I lived there. Its so random that I moved to Nashville after graduation from college, but its still where I feel most at home while in the states. (Of course I can see that God’s hand was completely directing me and guiding me to Nashville, which He knew would lead me to move overseas.) I think I really developed a lot into who I am today and who I was that said yes to come and work overseas while I was in Nashville. While I am there, I feel content (as content as I can be at the present time in the States.) Its been so long since I lived in New England, and I think I have changed so much from when I grew up there. Thus, when I return to that area, I feel like a foreigner.

I have so many mixed emotions in the fact that I will be returning to the states soon. I am happy that I will be able to spend more time with my family, that I will be able to see my nephew grow up and be a part of his life. I know this is where God is leading me right now, and I am confident without a doubt that He will give me the strength I need while I am there. At the same time, I know it will be hard. For five years I have lived overseas. For five years I have done all I can do to be a part of the culture here and in a sense become Albanian so that I could understand and relate to the people here. Now I am leaving that all behind, but it will always be with me. For those that have asked or will ask, I don’t know what I will do after grad school. I will leave that up to God to direct me when the time is right. I am making no commitments to return here or to stay in the states.

Thankfully, for grad school I need to know a foreign language and take a test in it, therefore I will have good motivation to keep up my language. This is best done by communicating, so whether it be with my friends from here or new Albanian friends in Massachusetts I know Albanians will forever be a part of my life.

I know its early to be saying all this, as I have 5 more months here, but this is what I was processing during my time in the states. It was much more emotional than I thought it would be. I believe God gave me that glimpse into more of what I will be feeling when I move back so I can start thinking and praying about it now. Its always better to be prepared, right? My good friend who dealt with reverse culture shock herself a few years ago gave me this advice for when I return, “Whatever you do, don’t buy a motorcycle!”